i like making things, i dislike capitalism

saturday, feb 19 2022, 15:44

couch @ marco and skye's place

im not 100% sure what i want to say here, but im just gonna try and see what happens.

this was me this morning btw

wilson sitting on the ground at a park and the sky has been all glitched out. looks like it was shot on an iphone 4s

i discovered this artist today on audius. lane riley seems to embody a lot of what i want to be presenting in my own journey. when i discovered them on audius i was able to quickly see so so so much more of their art and art spaces via the link trees and hyperlink structures they had created. it really inspired me to reinvest time into the biproducts project.

the whole point of this website initially was to prove to myself in some way or another that the things i made were cool and interesting irregardless of whether or not somebody saw them or added a like or a comment to them.

i think in a lot of ways the reason i feel so attached to the idea of fame is because i want to be like my idols. i see people like linkin park and avril lavigne and i just have always wanted to be like them. i think its probably more honest to say i wanted to be them.

i guess what i really want is to contribute to the artistic landscape of the human experience.

i think somewhere along the line, and likely because living in capitalism either requires you to sell your time or the products of your mind, i conflated "contributing to the artistic landscape of the human experience" with "i wanna be famous lol"

kinda not funny actually, really fucking sad. this music and these artists made me into a fucking person. pretty fucked that i would think that it was the number of other people interested in it that made me like it in the first place.

im currently listening to linkin park

before that i was listening to avril

i hope someday somebody feels strongly enough about my art to tell the world about it. idk, this took kind of a sad turn, but i think i truly do know that art is beautiful and amazing regardless of its audience. i just hope that i spend more days believing that than convincing myself of it.

alright, that feels like it. love you wil, talk to you later.